Wordy Gifts for Moms

“Mommy needs to find her credit card, Mommy needs to find her credit card,” my four year old tells anyone who will listen. I think she is traumatized from the recent loss of my wallet, make-up and credit card, all occurring in three different incidents. No doubt, she senses my panicked thought, ‘Mommy’s finally cracking up and it’s going to happen without her credit card on hand to pay for it.’

Upon finding my wallet and credit card (in two different places), I scan a litany of mental illnesses to see which ones include symptoms of extreme forgetfulness and accumulated lost objects. I glance at my calendar and realize my diagnosis: seasonal insanity. An illness brought on by adding too much to do with too little time and dividing it by high expectations.

After some self-psychoanalysis, I pinpoint the exact moment this madness began. I was lying in bed reading the November issue of Real Simple titled ‘Your holiday planner: 75 creative ideas for a stress-free season.’ One of those 75 ideas was creating an excel spreadsheet with your list of names, previous gifts and pertinent information. Brilliant, I thought. I went to my computer, made my spreadsheet and then gloated over my extreme organization. It was at that very moment I lost my mind. I have not been able to buy a present since. And that was five weeks ago.

I have, however, been able to compile a list of good presents for moms, like myself. Instead of filling in my spreadsheet, I have been reading one good book after another. (Shocking that I was able to read something besides US magazine, but it’s true.) Some of the books would make excellent gifts for a mom in need of a present, not that you would know anyone like that. I’ve thrown a few labels on to help you choose:

The Former Party Girl Mom who loves watching Sex and the City
Buy her Mommies Who Drink: Sex, Drugs, and Other Distant Memories of an Ordinary Mom by actress Brett Paesel and she will be as giddy as she was on $5 martini night. Soon to be an HBO series, the book entertains with small ‘fictional’ chapters that are good for moms with short attention spans.

The Working Mom who feels guilty
I highly recommend Mommy Wars: Stay-at-Home and Career Moms Face Off on Their Choices, Their Lives, Their Families by Leslie Morgan Steiner as a form of group therapy for working moms. The introduction alone will allow her to sleep better than she has in ages.

The Stay At Home Mom who is conflicted
Even though she has been slammed in the press, I enjoyed Caitlin Flanigan’s To Hell With That: Loving and Loathing the Inner Housewife. I especially appreciated her clear distinction between the titles housewife and at home mother. One knows stain removal while the other knows respect.

The Mom who needs a laugh
My favorite read of 2006 was I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman by Nora Ephron. Laugh out loud funny; it is a gift for women of all ages. The only downside is I can’t stop looking at my neck.

The Mom who annoys you
Not that I want to be negative or catty, but thanks to gift exchanges and the family tree, there’s always that Mom you have to buy for even though you’d rather not. I have a few suggestions. Buy their kids either a Polly Pocket set, Star Wars Lego, or some toy with a thousand pieces. The clean-up and constant tracking of important Polly shoes or hidden missile Lego pieces can challenge even the most perfect of mothers.

Or if you are feeling really naughty, how about a year’s subscription to the magazine Real Simple? Look at what it did to me. I haven’t bought one present yet. Just think of how stress-free my holiday season is going to be.