The Two Party School System

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The other day, I popped into Starbucks for a shot of caffeine and ran into some moms I know who like to gather and chat after pre-school drop-off. After ordering, I invited myself into their klatch, completely oblivious that they were in the middle of a heated school discussion. Before my Café Americano left the Barista’s hands, one mom had already exited. When I sat down, the second mom muttered to the third, ‘If you are going to throw a tantrum, I’m out of here,’ and she walked out the door.

I sat alone with the mom-held-in-contempt, not quite sure what to say or do. “It’s so personal, the choice of schools,” I said, in a weak attempt to console her.

“What’s your name again?” she asked. “I know you’ve told me before but I can’t remember.” Because these things happen to me fairly often, I didn’t take my lack of impressionability personally. She was upset and her memory had exited as quickly as a post-partum placenta.

I understood the pain of all the moms involved. In the pre-school mom world, where to send Junior or Princess can cause quite a stir and draw lines thicker than blood and water.
Last year, my girlfriend Renata decided to take her daughter out of the Montessori school where our kids attended and send her daughter to a private Catholic school. She made no bones about it that she thought I should do the same.

“You ought to see their art and music classrooms. You would just love it-the space is extremely creative.”

“I don’t think my Holocaust survivor in-laws would be happy if we sent our kids to a Catholic school,” I responded, surprised that Renata would suggest this since she was raised in a Jewish home.

“Well they don’t really pray in school, just on Fridays, but they said our children don’t have to pray to Jesus.” And so began her daily attempts to woo me away from my choice and into hers.

I started talking to other moms about their decision about schools and realized what a hot topic it is. The division of people’s belief reminded me of our two party political system: There is public school and private school with smaller parties of private religious schools, public charter schools and home schooling. (Although moms who have the patience to home school deserve a shrine of their own.)

Just like voters tend to lean toward their own parents’ political affiliation, so do parents and their choice of schools for their kids. One mom told me, ‘My husband and his family always went to private schools, so it’s not really up for discussion,’ while another one said ‘My mother was a public school teacher, so I was raised to believe in the system.’

The issue of status also comes into play and this is where it gets touchy. The price of tuition is not only about receiving a private education; it is a pre-selection of your child’s peers, either by religion or class. Your child can potentially receive not only the best education, but also a social infrastructure that will serve them for the rest of their lives. Just the thought of one stop shopping on the parental responsibilities lists makes me feel slightly giddy.

While my husband and I attended both public and private, the majority of our education was spent at public schools. In junior high school, I was bored and got into a fair amount of trouble for talking and drinking Jack Daniels after school. But in high school, I thrived in the school’s theater and speech program and was able to get into a decent college when all was said and done.

As for our kids, they are still in a Montessori school, but we are thinking of switching our soon-to-be second grader to the public school. “Does this mean I can finally buy a car manufactured after 1985?” my husband recently asked me.

I think that answer is going to be, “yes;” however, I admit the transition process has kept me awake at night and much in need of a shot of caffeine in the morning.