In Search of Carol Brady

My house is as hot as an oven, the traffic sits in gridlock, and my kids are two time-outs away from being shipped off to boarding school. These signs can only mean one thing: The summer, as we know it in Laguna Beach, is almost over.

After this weekend, life returns to some semblance of ‘normal.’ Parking spots open up, the nights cool down and our children return to school. Thus, my anxiety begins. Still a back-to-school newbie with my daughters entering kindergarten and second grade, I began to panic about the whole backpack-homework-baby-leaving-the-house early last week.

Somehow the stars aligned and two tickets to the Pageant of the Masters Closing Gala arrived on my front door step. I felt barely capable of pulling my flip-flop-self together for such an event until I found out that Carol Brady (a.k.a. Florence Henderson) would be in attendance. I knew that the mother of “The Brady Bunch,” my favorite television show ever, would able to give me some solid advice on how to handle my back-to-school worries.

After dealing with a babysitter who bailed and a lack of dress shoes, I arrived at the Gala with my girlfriend in a pair of Famous Footwear flats ready to meet Florence. Not wanting to appear too eager or celebrity obsessed, I patiently waited my turn as she gave an interview to Entertainment Tonight and chatted with Eve Plumb, her Brady daughter Jan. Finally, my moment arrived.

“Carol,” I began, unaware of my nomenclature faux-pas, “How do we prepare for back-to-school with our kids?”

“Try to keep relaxed, positive and confident,” she answered, with that sweet comforting smile. “You need to make it fun, a new adventure for them.” That part I understood intellectually, but making it a reality was another story. I asked how she managed to do it all.

“There are three things that worked for me: I prayed a lot, took vitamin pills and had the organization skills of a General.” What I had assumed was now proven true: All those years of watching the Brady Bunch had not been a waste of time, but serious preparation for my career as a mother. Point by point confirmed my belief: I pray daily for patience and a large box of chocolates; eat vitamins and Motrin for breakfast; and consider organization to be its own religion. Plastic storage containers and wire baskets flashed before my eyes as I realized Florence was waiting for my next question.

I stuttered, trying to align my brain with the fact that Carol Brady was a character on a television show while Florence Henderson is a real person, a mother to four real children. “What about those of us who are trying to be Carol Brady?” I eeked out.

“Don’t,” Florence responded. “Mothers are the last to take care of themselves. We need to put ourselves first and make our health the number one priority. If we are in good health, then we are better mothers, better friends.”

I remembered that Florence had spoken openly about her battle with depression. She wasn’t rattling off some politically correct mommy-speak; her words came from her heart. As the Pageant of the Masters was about to begin, my time with idol Carol and new friend Florence sadly came to an end.

“Young at Heart” was this year’s Pageant theme with the cast consisting of almost a hundred children. Some of my favorite childhood pieces, such as “The Little Mermaid” by Edvard Eriksen and “The Dance Foyer” by Edgar Degas, were featured. My favorite was N.C. Wyeth’s “The Giant,” a portrait of six young children on the beach staring up at a giant in the clouds. I sat in awe of the beauty and, of course, how the children were able to stay so still and quiet.

Then I thought of Florence and realized that these tableau vivants (‘living pictures’ in French) were as about as real as “The Brady Bunch.” Each masterpiece is a well-executed production involving make-up, lighting, and stands that hold the children in place. Moms and dads waited backstage to take their kids home and tuck them into bed. There would be a few hours left to organize their back-to-school schedule, pay bills and catch some must-see TV.