The Mommy Blues

I am in a state of shock. I just watched my little baby girl walk into first grade and I’m not sure how it happened. Where did those five, almost six years go? It was only yesterday when my husband and I buckled her into the car seat at the hospital, looked at each other and said, “What do we do now?”

I remember my first day of school well. I wore my best shoes, white- trimmed socks and a jumper dress. My daughter, however, insisted on wearing her new skirt as a halter-top over a t-shirt and pair of jeans. Not that I looked anything like my mother did on my first day of school. She was nicely coiffed with a tailored dress and heels; I managed a brushed ponytail and clean t-shirt over my sweat pants. Anything more was out of question as I threw the lunches together and rushed out the door.

When we arrived at school, there were moms and dads huddled around their kids taking pictures and shooting video. I didn’t get a chance for any of those movie moments. My home-school wanna-be burst into tears the moment we walked inside the classroom. The teacher came over, greeted her warmly and gave her a fun task to do. As she calmed down, I blew kisses and quietly stepped outside.

I walked to my car, holding back the tears. This wasn’t how her first day was supposed to be. I called Renata on the way home, “She’s part of the system now,” she shared. “You have to let it go.” The system! That concept bummed me out even more. I pulled over and got a coffee and donut from South Swell to console myself.

At home, I sat at my desk like a bump on a log. I had a long list of things to do but I was immobile. I called Annie. She had just put her son on the bus for the first time and was a wreck, “I complain incessantly about not having a moment to myself and when the moment comes, I’m chasing the bus incognito and counting the ‘mom’ents until he is home.”

“I think we have empty nest syndrome ten years early,” I said. She agreed whole-heartedly. Our mommy clocks were ticking way too fast. I typed ‘empty nest’ into my Internet browser and found the website emptynestmoms.com which features information on trout fishing trips, remodeling and recipe organization. Trout fishing never occurred to me as a cure for my first-grader blues. My kids would be thrilled--they love worms.

After calling everyone I know and eating everything I could find, the school day was almost over. When I picked up my daughter, she was jumping up and down with excitement. She had a pencil box full of colored pencils and stories about outer space. She had learned all about the moon, the stars and Neil Armstrong. She was obviously elated from learning and making new friends.

I guess Renata is right. The time has arrived for my daughter to be launched into the system and I am her launch pad. Since launch pads need fuel, I decided I’d better eat one more piece of cake and call it a day for mommy to remember.